Exodus Earth

Am I high ?

2006-05-04T05:18:00.000-07:00

They say I am high;
but am I ?
I wander around a city ;
unoccupied and empty as I see,
though the walls are of glass,
I not know why,
but I am seeing through everything,
all of void, all the silence,
standing on ground not visible ,
and a sky non existent ,
I wonder ; am I high.

They say I am high;
but am I ?
I wander around a city ;
occupied and full as I see,
though the walls are of steel,
I not know why,
but I can't see any thing,
all of thrill, all of hope,
standing on ground of bricks ,
and a sky black,
I wonder ; am I high.

They say I am high;
but am I ?
I wander around a plain;
empty as far you can see,
no walls , no one ,
no ground , no sky ,
a perfect nothingness,
Have I been to different places;
or was I standing still all the time ?
I wonder ; am I high ?

LIFE AND SOCCER

2006-04-29T04:20:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I feel like I am completely confused about the concept of life. After all what is life? Is it the way we live or the way we pretend to? Is it about gaining or loosing ? Is it about success or failure ?

Honestly I don't know. And I think no one has ever been able to answer me convincing enough. By convincing I don’t want to convey that every one's perception of the " real " world is different and the answers depend on one's stand. I believe or at least I want to believe that there is some unanimity among the answers if there had been many ? It

is not possible for any one to explain a common concern as life to be explained by a set of answers derived from a domain ; infinite and boundless as space . If there is some generality among the entities like us which are governed by a set of universal laws and influenced by a set of unknown but certain factors. By universal laws I mean at the core level we are just physical systems and should someday be explained by a grand and complete set of laws.

But sometimes I think we are much more complicated than a Ferrari in the sense that our life is also influenced by the way we are affected by the society and other people.

What about feelings ? How can we explain them ? Do we really understand what we feel? Or do we even know the difference between feeling something actually and the perception of our mind that we are feeling something ? I am not sure about others but I can't tell the difference.

The concept of feeling is a bit weird and amazing simultaneously.

Certainly feeling and perception are completely different. If one sees a rose ; he perceives that there is a rose in front of him but the kind of feeling one gets is completely independent of the perception . Some may feel low , others may feel high after seeing a rose . If perception is defined by our senses ; feelings as is usually said is defined by one's "sub-conscious" mind ; though I am not sure whether it's true. So it is very easy to be defied by senses. So I can't be cent percent sure if what I am seeing or perceiving ,actually exists . Though "realists" counter that there is 6N certainty of the perception. But I think even if there is an infinitesimal possibility of something magical ,it is worth wondering about.

It seems life is like a football game. Every one is playing . Every one knows his role. Every one has a different position and strategy. Every one has a common aim : to score a goal.

But it is amazing to wonder about, who set the rules ? Who started the game? What are the sides ? On which side one stands ? Who is the referee ? What is the ball? who are the audience ?

Some times I think that people don't care about the rules as long as they aren't interrupted . We keep chasing a ball we don't know ; with an aim in mind : the significance of which we don't know. We move freely without even realizing that there are boundaries and we have no clue about its strength or vulnerability .

Here also we find "winners" ( optimists if the former is too flattering) who keep attacking and pushing the limits. There are "realists" ( orthodox layman ) who keep themselves centered in lust for controlling the ball and to be a center of attraction. There are "losers" (pessimists if the former is too harsh ) who stay back ; watching the game ; and waiting to defend .

But I think it doesn't matter if you are "winner" or "looser" unless you understand the game. I think , that's how life is.

As somebody has said :

" Life is about asking the questions . And even if you don't have an answer you keep
looking for one. "

KIMONO

2006-03-05T00:55:00.000-08:00

I always pursued understanding this world with the strong hope , that nothing here is magical. Every thing is either the masterpiece of an intelligent , creative mind or the child’s play of mother nature. And it still surprises me often .

Beauty ; the most admired and hardly noticed attribute of this world is quite a mystery to me. Do I understand it ? Do I know what it is ? Can I explain what it is within the syntactical limits of this web page ? Honestly ; I seek but don’t know the answers to these questions.

Last night I saw someone . Some one walking ahead of me . Fast enough to be out of my reach and slow enough to be in my mind. I saw something that I must say was extraordinarily out-of-this-world . A Kimono. Yeah as I try to remember I only find a shining , bloody red and extremely delicate kimono that she wore .

For a Kimono to be a center of attraction , is not a thing which I experience everyday . Flowers painted on it seemed so real as if I saw them coming out of it ,virtually flying past me and intoxicating me with their unearthly aura . And then I felt it ; a small flutter in it perhaps due to the gusts of wind striking me . I kept watching her walking as her black long hairs swing from side- to – side ; yeah it was not just my head but they were also swinging . They were black as much to make think that whether the lights I saw was daytime streaks or the moon’s mirage. I knew that I was surrounded by others but I didn’t realize that I wasn’t even noticing them or perhaps I wanted to ignore.

And then I felt pain . I don’t know why it aroused suddenly but after a few minutes … or few seconds … I am not sure of the timescales ; she was gone.

The very moment before disappearing I sealed it ; the kimono ; in my memories and to this day I feel it . I feel the time when I was really alive and that there is something indeed magical in this world .

Beauty can be found even in wilderness.

Happiness in sorrow.

Light in the dark.

I don’t know if god exists but certainly the one who designed this world is , indeed , a God.

dori-mingu........

Road

2006-02-16T02:20:00.000-08:00

What I saw , while walking on a road ;
where which I never knew headed,
and why and when since I walked on it,
was lying a corpse.

It lay there though ;
for I can't say may be a long time,
And I wondered why not taken it was,
as running over it were passing cars.

Uneasy I felt then I started walking again;
after walking a distance not great,
to my amazement found I ,
what was another corpse waiting.

Again what I did was walking again;
ignoring the case as had been usual for me,
found again was a corpse not human, but dog,
and then followed by humans were dogs and dogs by humans.

And then bearing long enough I asked another person;
who like me was hopefully headed somewhere,
" What are these bodies ,and what are those cars,
why these are not taken ,and why these are not stopping?"

After waiting long for an answer , I held his hand and asked;
" Hey ! Are you listening to me , or deaf is what you are ? "
Being bothered enough , at last what I got was a question -
" Who are you and why walking on this road are you ? "

Realised never before , I felt I dont know myself;
Why Where from and since When I was traveling on the road,
were the questions which appeared to my mind ,
which why had no answers I didn't knew.

" Those ones once walked on this unending road;
And those riding over them in the cars are ' Priviledged' ones "
Unable to comprehend the words I tried to stop one of them,
And which was I imagine were my last deeds.

---- Arvind

The Fall

2006-02-08T20:21:00.000-08:00

What once was alive;
is now , but , dead .

What once was noble;
is now but naive.
What once was cause ;
is now but motive.
What once was struggle;
is now but silence.
Ones once fought;
now hide backyard.

The river once flew;
now is now but paused.
The winds which blew;
now stand still.
The fire once warm;
is now but smoke.
The rage once appealed;
is now but subdued.

Who once were heroes;
are now but history.
What once were ideas;
are now but fiction.
What once were feelings ;
are now ' just emotions ' .
What once was love;
is now but a dialogue.

What once was conscience;
is now but money.
What once were values;
are no more worth.
What once believed ;
is now but forgotten.
What once cared ;
is now but ignored.

What once was blood;
is now but water.
What once was awakening;
is now but fall.

Dreamz

2005-07-17T23:12:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I wonder is there a set of mathematical equations that can describe at least sufficiently our world. I delibrately call those equations mathematical rather than physical becauseyou know that ' physical ' equations do describe a part of our world. Because if there were any set of equations it will have at least one advantage . All we have to do is to feed in a super machine those equations and the initial values of a set of variables ( I believe there are finite number of parameters governing this universe , because infinite parameters means it would be impossible for the God to control them and hence the universe ) simulate the world and get rid of this damm problem of choosing.

This were my earlier thoughts. But all this got screwed when someone invented quantum mechanics . It said in short that there is probability of every choice though small may it be. Basically you couldn't choose precisely. I was disappointed and all my hopes of getting rid of chossing a stream without even being aware of what it is, choosing a carreer knowing it wouldn't be all, choosing books which I am never going to read, choosing pants though I don't care how I look, choosing ice cream which I occasionally try, choosing the damm resteraunt while you are hungry , choosing a pros. even when you are desperate , choosing a pen when you are late for EMEC exams ; in short choosing a life.

But there was a breakthrough when somebody found String Theory and there
were rumors that it is the GUT ( God's Ultimate Theory ) . I was again alive and
my hopes re-traversed . When I tried to understand it I was confused but thanks to Discovery Channel which I once watched insanely ; I got to know that it predicts eleven dimensions and parallel universes. Which meant that now I don't just have to care about four dimensions in choosing but eleven dimensions . And even worse than that there can be parallel Arvinds choosing the same or different things in parallel universes.

And thus all my hopes of getting rid of this problem were shattered to ground . But I am still trying ; well I think that's the way so far.

Myself

2005-06-14T09:14:00.000-07:00

THE POEM

In the stagnant water,
Of a bounded pond,
I see myself.

In the falling leaves,
Of a dying tree,
On a barren land,
In a lonely country,
I see myself.

In the dim look,
Of a poor man,
Living for a living,
I see myself.

In the words,
Of the last poem,
Of a dying poet,
I see myself.

In the leaves ,
Drenched by the first drops,
Of the first rain,
Of a new season,
I see myself.

In the movement,
Of the hands,
Of an old watch,
On my table,
I see myself.

In the hopes,
Of an old man,
Running on sunny morning,
On an old track,
In lonliness,
I see myself.

In the prayers,
Of the wrinkled hands,
Of a grievious grandmother,
I see myself.

In the quest ,
Of a small baby,
In the hands of his mother ,
I see myself.

In the mirror,
On every morning,
Of everyday that I live,
I wonder,
Am I seeing myself.

The Malfunction

2005-06-13T23:13:00.000-07:00

Year 2199 , february 21

the solaris....

an industrial excavation spaceship travelling through a chaotic dusty region of far space .
The space ship is a state of the art machine completely automated driven by plasma boosters.
The entire ship is being controlled by a super computer Maya X2 .

There are only three crew members ; Mathew ,the pilot; Cyrene , the doctor and expert for
alien biology and Tom ; the software expert and electrical and aeronautical engineer.

The entire mission usually is accomplished by the remotely controlled and intelligent machines
called Seekers ( machines are normally in "self " mode but have an option for mode " control"
which means that they can be remotely operated ).

There is some noise in the left deck.
Mathew cannot make out what is happening . Cyrene and Tom rush to left deck ....
Before they could reach the site a shock wave travels past them and suddenely all lights
gone, gravity (artificial) fails and the entire space ship goes out of sight.

After some ten dark hours ,the noise is gone and every thing is back to the floors.
Mathew : Tom , Cyrene are you guys all right.
Cyrene :Yeah we are all right .Where is Tom.
Tom : I am right here babe.
Mathew:It seems we have landed somewhere.

Mathew enables the emergency systems.
Now the lights have returned and there is a sudden air- warning " fire in the block L32".

(Everyone has returned to the main deck )

Mathew :It seems Maya is unable to counter the fire,we will have to do it manually.

Cyrene : I think we should send Cray2 ( Crays are general purpose robots ).

Mathew : The situation may be too chaotic. We should accompany him .

Mathew remains on the main deck ; Tom , Cyrene and Cray2 go to the block L32.

(They reached the block)

There is huge short circuit and discharge is flowing all around.

Tom : Mathew , shut down the left boosters .(There are three main boosters in the ship and
two auxiliary boosters )

(Mathew shut downs the left booster and power to L32)

Suddenly all the discharge is gone and the fire extinguished.

(Cyrene and Tom return to the main deck .)

Tom : So what is this place .

Mathew : I don't know but this is not G-24 for sure!

(G-24 is the name of planet they were going to)

Mathew : It seems very dark kind of place.
Tom : Contact the station .

( There is a station for guiding space travels in far orbit of sun called GAYA-1
G-24 the planet they were heading for is 3.2 light-months away from sun . )

Mathew : I can't , there is too much electromagnetic disturbance here and we are not recieving
any reflected signals.

(The ship has data about many celestial bodies in the region it travels . It transmits the signals
and calculate specific parameters about the neighbouring planets . Identifying neighbouring
bodies and matching with her database the ship calculates its present position . )

Tom : Let us send the seekers out .
Mathew : Yeah I would like to, what you say Cyrene?
Cyrene :We should first scan the place . Send the scanners (these are flying inspection machines )out.
Mathew : Most of them are distroyed in the fire . Anyway I will send whatever are operational.

(Mathew commands seven scanners to inspection mode . Rest are rendered un-operational in
the fire.)

After some ten hours of scanning scanners detected some strange kind of metallic structures.
The entire planet was barren with no visible life form ( as the scanners didn't detected any
moving objects ) but the structure.
The structure was metallic as detected by scanners . It was pyramidal with five faces and a
height of some 150 meters . There were no openings on the faces except at the bottom there
was some passage going inside and some fade blue light was coming out of it .

Mathew: There ! There ! Did you see that light!

Cyrene : Yeah try to move that scanner ; use a zoom .

(Mathew enables control mode and zooms the view but in vain)

Mathew : No use we can't infer anything . Lets send the seekers .

Tom: That's going to be fun!

(Mathew automates the seekers and targets them to the location of the object )

Mathew and others can see what the seekers are doing for there is video unit seeker one in ten.
So now they are seeing at about ten video channels whats actually going on . After about fifteen
hours of journey(seekers can't fly ) seekers reach the place .After reaching the place an alarm
was trriggered by the seekers which broke the sleep of the crew.

Mathew : Attention guys . We are there .

Tom : My God ! What the size.

Cyrene : Mathew move in.

When the seekers approached the door or whatever it may be they couldn't see anything but
light.When most of the seekers went inside and still nothing was visible every body on board
got scared .Suddenly all the monitors showed a "no signal " warning . In a matter of seconds
crew lost the contact with all the seekers .

Now they had nothing but only scanners and crays .

Mathew : What do we do now?
Cyrene : I think we have only two choices.First either we can wait and watch whatever long it may take or we can go to that place ourselves and find out.
Tom : Are u kidding ! That is too dangerous!
Cyrene : I know but we don't have a choice.
Mathew : Cyrene is right Tom . Any way we will take the best of our weapons and the shield.

(Shield is an instrument which creates an electromagnetic shield around it and nothing except
very massive and laser can enter it .Shield can sustain a field uptill only 10 minutes )

They took out one of the jets (jet is a small travelling air vehicle ) and left for the location taking
cray13 and leaving the space ship under the control of cray2.

When they reached the place they found no tray of any seeker and they also inspected all around the object but in vain . The object was very strange it was not exactly metallic as it
seemed on the screen , it was made of some thing else which didn't show metallic behaviour.
(For they checked it with inspecting lasers ).

They landed in front of the door .

Mathew approached the door with Cyrene and Tom behind. Suddenely they heard some humming sound and felt the vibrations on the ground .

Tom : Mathew be careful. Something is coming . Back off ! Back off ! Back off now.

Mathew ran towards the jet . Tom and Cyrene saw the seekers chasing Mathew with their
arms pointing on Mathew . Suddenly they started shooting and shot Mathew .

Tom : Mathew ! (shouting )

Now they were aiming Tom and Cyrene but they were not as late as Mathew to put on the shield . Despite furious shooting they were alive and safely boarded the jet .Cyrene
started the jet and flew. While Tom took out a plasma grenade and dropped it.

Tom : (while dropping the grenade ) Take this you fuckers .

There was an astronomical blast down on the ground while Tom and Cyrene seeing it from the
sky.

(After reaching the space ship )

Tom : I think we should leave this place . Because if there were more seekers inside they would
come for us.

Cyrene : Yeah ! definitely !

While taking off ....

Cyrene : Tom ,I am not able to understand why they attacked us , what happened to them,
what was the malfunction..................

TO BE CONTINUED .......

With next part " The Analysis " .
coming soon.